Instagram Star’s Day Begins at 4 AM, Productivity Remains Theoretical
Manhattan-based fitness influencer Jade Greenleaf has finally revealed her complete morning routine, and the answer to how she maintains such an elaborate schedule is hilariously simple: she doesn’t have a real job.
Greenleaf’s viral “5 AM Miracle Morning” video showcases a regimen that includes: meditation (45 minutes), journaling (30 minutes), yoga (90 minutes), a photogenic breakfast that takes 40 minutes to prepare and photograph, skincare (25 minutes), an ice bath (20 minutes), and something called “intentional breathing” (another 30 minutes). The routine concludes at 11 AM, which is when most employed humans are already three hours into their workday.
“People ask me how I find the time,” Greenleaf says in her video, somehow missing the irony. “It’s all about priorities.” Yes, priorities like not having to be anywhere or do anything that generates actual income beyond selling the fantasy of having this much free time.
New York workers have expressed a mixture of amusement and rage. “I have a 15-minute morning routine called ‘panic shower and run to the subway,'” said office worker Rebecca Martinez, 32. “But sure, tell me more about your sunrise sound bath.” Another commenter noted that Greenleaf’s morning routine is longer than most people’s entire sleep schedule.
The influencer’s income sources include selling courses on “time optimization” to people who actually work for a living, which is roughly equivalent to someone who inherited a fortune selling seminars on “pulling yourself up by your bootstraps.” She also partners with wellness brands, essentially getting paid to use expensive products while pretending they’re the secret to success rather than, you know, having six hours of free time every morning.
When asked how regular working people could adopt her routine, Greenleaf suggested “waking up earlier,” apparently unaware that most humans require sleep and have obligations that start before noon. She also recommended “eliminating distractions like employment.”
The video has 2.3 million views and hundreds of comments from people who tried the routine, got fired from their jobs, and are now looking for influencer sponsorships to pay rent.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/fitness-influencers-morning-routine-takes-6-hours-unemployed/
SOURCE: New York’s #1 Satirical Journalism Site (https://bohiney.com/fitness-influencers-morning-routine-takes-6-hours-unemployed/)
