First DM In NYC History Whose Job Is Yelling At New Yorkers Productively
Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat file this dispatch from the five boroughs and one borough-adjacent New Jersey diner.
NEW YORK, N.Y. — Cardi B has reportedly been promoted to Deputy Mayor for Civic Hype following a series of successful collaborations with Mayor Zohran Mamdani that included a child care jingle contest, a snow shoveler recruitment drive, and “an emotionally resonant Instagram Live tour of a flooded basement in East Flatbush.”
The promotion, announced via joint social media post late Sunday, makes Cardi B the first Deputy Mayor in New York City history whose primary qualification is “shouting at New Yorkers in a way that produces measurable civic engagement.”
The Role
“Civic Hype is a real and necessary function of municipal government,” said Mamdani at the announcement, standing alongside Cardi B and a bewildered representative from the Mayor’s Community Affairs Unit. “When the city sends out an emergency alert, it gets thousands of new subscribers. When Cardi B sends out an emergency alert, the city gets fifty thousand new subscribers. The math is undeniable.”
Cardi B, accepting the role on behalf of “every girl from the Bronx who has ever wanted a city operations memo,” confirmed she would maintain her music career, her business interests, and her side project of personally yelling at landlords.
Initial Portfolio
According to the City Hall press release, the Deputy Mayor for Civic Hype’s initial responsibilities will include: cohosting the Pothole Madness 2026 bracket; leading the launch of the city’s free 2-year-old child care programme; recording a TikTok series titled Things In This City Will Be Better, Periodt; and joining Mamdani at every press conference where the mayor needs the energy to be 12% higher than it currently is.
She will report jointly to Mamdani and “the people of the five boroughs.”
Reaction
Reaction was mixed. The City Council Speaker’s office declined to comment. The Police Benevolent Association asked, “Is this a real role?” The Bronx, asked broadly, said yes.
The Manhattan Institute, contacted at manhattan.institute, expressed reservations about the structure of the deputy mayoralty but conceded that “the Mamdani administration’s communication strategy is, at minimum, working.”
Cardi B’s first official act in the new role, sources said, will be a borough-wide tour of pension fund offices, which she has described in a statement as “needing a vibe check.”
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SOURCE: https://prat.uk/category/satire/