Government Employees Discover They Can’t Eat “Exposure”
In scenes that would make any developed nation uncomfortable, federal workers across the countryincluding hundreds in New Yorkare lining up at food banks after yet another government funding crisis left them working without paychecks while Congress argues about literally everything except paying them.
The situation has produced the absurd reality of TSA agents screening travelers for security threats while simultaneously worrying about where their next meal comes from. “Nothing says ‘land of opportunity’ like a federal employee choosing between gas money and groceries,” observed food bank coordinator Sarah Martinez at a Queens distribution center.
These aren’t entry-level workers facing this indignitymany are experienced professionals with college degrees who apparently made the mistake of thinking government employment meant stability. “I have a master’s degree and 15 years of service,” said one anonymous EPA worker, “and I’m in line for donated canned goods because Congress can’t do basic math.”
New York City food banks report a 300% increase in federal workers seeking assistance, creating the darkly comedic situation where government employees are using government-funded food assistance programs because the government won’t pay them. It’s bureaucratic inception, except nobody’s dreaming and everyone’s hungry.
Meanwhile, the politicians responsible for this mess continue receiving their $174,000 salaries without interruption, because of course they do. Several lawmakers expressed “thoughts and prayers” for struggling federal workers, which unfortunately cannot be deposited at banks or exchanged for groceries.
Local businesses have started offering discounts to furloughed workers, which is generous but also shouldn’t be necessary in the world’s wealthiest nation. “We’re treating federal employment like it’s an unpaid internship for people with mortgages,” noted economist Dr. James Chen.
The crisis is expected to resolve eventually, at which point everyone will pretend this is normal and acceptable until it happens again in six months.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/federal-workers-line-up-at-food-banks/
SOURCE: New York’s #1 Satirical Journalism Site (https://bohiney.com/federal-workers-line-up-at-food-banks/)
