Goats gone wild
According to reports, city parks have officially swapped squirrels for goats, branding them as “emotional support livestock.” Central Park now features grazing herds offering stress relief to joggers and tourists alike. “I was having a panic attack, then a goat ate my pretzel, and I felt healed,” said one visitor.
The goats are part of a citywide mental health initiative. For a small fee, you can pet, brush, or even rant to a goat about your rent. “Theyre better listeners than therapists,” claimed one Brooklyn artist. Park officials insist the goats are safer than squirrels, which were “too unpredictable, too twitchy, and frankly, too judgmental.”
Locals are divided. Some adore the new furry friends. “My kid cried less when a goat nibbled his shoelaces,” said a parent. Others are horrified. “I came here to eat lunch, not have my salad stolen by a farm animal,” snapped a Midtown office worker. Vendors complain goats now loiter near hot dog carts, demanding mustard.
TikToks #GoatTherapyNYC has exploded, featuring influencers hugging goats on the Great Lawn. One viral video shows a goat interrupting a yoga class by head-butting the instructor mid-Downward Dog.
Tabloids bleated. “BILLY IN THE BIG CITY” screamed the Post. The Daily News countered: “GOAT PARK.”
Mayor Adams called it “a natural evolution of our urban jungle.” Governor Hochul muttered, “If goats start paying rent, Im banning fur.”
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/nyc-parks-replace-squirrels-with-therapy-goats/
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/nyc-parks-replace-squirrels-with-therapy-goats/.
By: Annika Steinmann.
