Mets Sign Emotional Support Rat for  Million Deal

Fans say rodent has more hustle than outfield

The New York Mets have shocked the baseball world once again—no, not by winning, but by signing an **emotional support rat** to a $10 million contract. According to reports, the rat—nicknamed “Cheddar”—will serve as both morale booster and unofficial mascot. Fans, long accustomed to disappointment, say Cheddar is the first player who truly embodies the grit of Queens.

Team officials introduced Cheddar at Citi Field, holding him up like Simba from The Lion King while the crowd cheered. “This rat knows how to survive in subway tunnels, dodge pizza slices, and outlast exterminators,” said the general manager. “Frankly, that’s more resilience than half our bullpen.”

Season ticket holders are thrilled. “I’ve seen rats carry slices bigger than their bodies,” said one fan. “That’s the kind of hustle we need at second base.” The team store already sells Cheddar jerseys, complete with tiny chew holes for authenticity. Concession stands are offering “Rat Dogs”—hot dogs topped with mystery cheese no one wants to identify.

Not everyone approves. Animal rights activists argue Cheddar is being exploited, while rival Yankees fans mocked the move. “Imagine paying $10 million for a rat,” one Bronx heckler said. “We get those for free in our bleachers.” Still, Mets fans clapped back: “At least our rat shows up. Unlike half your bullpen.”

Local media has embraced the chaos. Tabloids ran headlines like “Mets Bet on Vermin Victory” and “Subway Series Goes Full Subway.” Sports radio callers debated whether Cheddar could hit .250, while WFAN pundits insisted he’d at least steal more bases than the current roster. The New York Post even speculated about Cheddar’s dating life, claiming he’s been spotted near a Staten Island dumpster with “a mysterious lady possum.”

The move also fits a long NYC tradition of bizarre mascots. We’ve got the Times Square Elmo mafia, the Naked Cowboy, and that one pigeon who refuses to leave Yankee Stadium. Adding a rat to the roster? Perfectly on brand. “If you can survive the 7 train, you can survive the NL East,” quipped one columnist.

In the end, Mets fans aren’t expecting championships—they just want entertainment. And nothing screams New York baseball like a rodent in pinstripes chewing through the payroll. Let’s face it: Cheddar may be the most dependable player the Mets have signed in decades.

SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/mets-sign-emotional-support-rat/

SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/mets-sign-emotional-support-rat/.

By: Annika Steinmann.

Annika Steinmann, journalist at bohiney.com -- Mets Sign Emotional Support Rat for $10 Million Deal
Annika Steinmann, journalist.

By Greta Weissmann

Greta Weissmann ([email protected]) - Upper Manhattan satirist covering NYC's German and European expat communities with insider knowledge and outsider perspective. Former comedy club regular who brings sharp Central European wit to American absurdities. Specializes in cultural comparison satire, immigrant experiences, and exposing the gap between NYC's international reputation and disappointing reality. Her comedy background taught her Americans respond well to being gently mocked by Europeans. Documents the peculiar experience of moving to America's "greatest city" and finding mediocrity wrapped in marketing.

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