Unearthed Notebooks Reveal Forgotten Farmer Who Inspired Obama, Revolutionized Barnyard Rhetoric
The farmer’s notebooks included an early draft of “Yes We Can,” originally written as “Yes We Can… Probably” after a long battle with an uncooperative tractor.
For decades, historians and political analysts have debated the origins of Barack Obama’s iconic rhetoric and policies. Was it his upbringing? His Ivy League education? The influence of past presidents? As it turns out, the real inspiration may have been an obscure farmer from the American heartland, whose unearthed notebooks suggest he pioneered “Hope and Change” long before it made its way to the White House.
This revelation has left scholars stunned, pundits scrambling, and local cows deeply unimpressed.
The Man, The Myth, The Plowman
The man in question, Jeremiah “Jeb” McCallister, was a dairy farmer of modest means but boundless ambition. Born sometime in the early 20th century-records remain unclear, as his birth certificate was reportedly eaten by an overzealous goat-McCallister spent most of his life in rural Kansas, developing theories on leadership, community organizing, and agricultural economics.
“He was way ahead of his time,” said local historian Marvin Klotz. “Or possibly just way outside of reality. Either way, his ideas were fascinatingly impractical.”
McCallister’s notebooks, discovered beneath a stack of unsold “Carter ’80” campaign buttons in his dilapidated barn, reveal a man who believed deeply in unity, cooperation, and giving inspiring speeches to livestock.
Hope and Change… But Mostly Hope
One of McCallister’s key discoveries was the concept of motivational farming. “If you believe in your crops, they will believe in you,” he wrote in 1967. This method, later refined into what he called The Hope and Change Crop Rotation Method, was intended to revolutionize agriculture by focusing less on traditional techniques like irrigation and fertilization and more on inspirational monologues directed at wheat fields.
Records suggest McCallister spent entire afternoons standing in the middle of his property, passionately addressing rows of corn, promising them a brighter future.
“Some say it worked,” noted Klotz. “And by ‘some,’ I mean only Jeb himself.”
Despite the lack of tangible results, McCallister insisted that change was coming. Local skeptics pointed out that while change was indeed happening, it mostly involved his dwindling savings and an increase in unpaid feed store bills.
The Audacity of Alfalfa
McCallister’s philosophy extended beyond crops. He believed in uniting the entire barnyard under a single, progressive vision. He wrote speeches designed to bridge the deep divides between species, calling for an end to the “systemic oppression of goats” and urging chickens to be granted the right to “self-determination over their own eggs.”
His attempts to establish a Bipartisan Barn-Raising initiative, where rival farmers would set aside their differences to work toward common goals, failed miserably when an argument over hammer allocation led to a full-scale pitchfork standoff.
Undeterred, McCallister pressed on. He developed a proposal he called Universal Basic Hay, where all livestock, regardless of species, would be guaranteed an equal share of the farm’s resources. Unfortunately, upon implementing the policy, the goats ate the entire year’s supply within 24 hours, leading to an immediate economic collapse.
“This was my fault,” he admitted in a rare moment of self-reflection. “I underestimated the greed of Big Goat.”
If You Like Your Cow, You Can Keep Your Cow
Perhaps McCallister’s most famous experiment was his ill-fated attempt at a livestock redistribution plan. Under his proposal, any farmer with surplus cows would be required to donate a portion of their herd to less fortunate farmers, ensuring “equality of milk-producing opportunity.”
What happened next was predictable to everyone but McCallister. Farmers who had just enough cows suddenly claimed they had too many, while those receiving redistributed cows mysteriously “lost” them. By the end of the first season, not a single cow remained on McCallister’s farm, having been sneakily traded, resold, or wandered off in the middle of the night.
His only consolation came in the form of a poignant realization: “A cow in motion stays in motion-especially if you try to redistribute it.”
Community Organizing in the Henhouse
Ever the visionary, McCallister attempted to inspire grassroots movements within his own barnyard. His notes reveal an ambitious attempt to unite the chickens, rallying them around a shared vision of “a brighter tomorrow, where no hen has to lay in fear.”
However, what began as a peaceful movement quickly spiraled into chaos. Roosters, feeling threatened by the rise of hen-led governance, launched a counter-campaign under the slogan “Make the Coop Great Again.”
McCallister’s attempts at diplomacy failed when he insisted on “leading from behind,” resulting in him being physically ejected from the coop by an angry mob of poultry.
The Green New Barn
Never one to admit defeat, McCallister soon turned his attention to environmental reform. His Green New Barn initiative, designed to combat the effects of climate change on rural farming, consisted primarily of repainting his barn a more eco-friendly color and instructing his cows to “emit less.”
When pressed for scientific backing, McCallister’s response was characteristically vague. “The science is clear,” he insisted. “If we believe in the environment, the environment will believe in us.”
Despite his lack of practical solutions, his commitment to environmentalism remained strong. In his final years, he even attempted to implement a carbon-neutral horse policy-an initiative that mostly involved attaching wind turbines to saddles, with little to no effect.
What the Funny People are Saying
“This guy spent decades trying to inspire cornfields? Sounds like he could’ve just run for Congress.” – Dave Chappelle
“Universal Basic Hay? I support it. But only if goats have to earn their share. Lazy goats are ruining the economy.” – Chris Rock
“If you like your cow, you can keep your cow… unless your neighbor really, really wants your cow.” – Ron White
“I once tried leading from behind. Ended up in a chicken coup d’état.” – Jerry Seinfeld
A Lasting Legacy
Despite his numerous failures, McCallister’s ideas have not been entirely forgotten. Political analysts now argue that his influence on modern rhetoric is undeniable.
“We now see how many of Obama’s core messages-hope, change, unity-can be traced directly back to McCallister,” said Professor Elaine Rutherford of the University of Kansas. “Granted, they had wildly different approaches. Obama built a political movement. McCallister built a hay bale pyramid and called it ‘progress.'”
Still, one cannot ignore the similarities. McCallister’s infamous speech-ending stare into the distance-originally believed to be profound contemplation-was later revealed to be him simply forgetting what he was going to say next. A tactic eerily similar to the now-iconic Obama pause.
His legacy, while largely confined to his old notebooks, lives on in those who dare to dream big, even if their only audience is a field of skeptical corn.
Helpful Content for SpinTaxi Readers
- How to Inspire Your Livestock Using Only Rhetoric
- Signs Your Cow is Secretly a Libertarian
- Redistributing Chickens: Why It Never Works
- Bipartisan Barn-Raising for Beginners
- How to Politely Tell Your Neighbor You’re Taking His Tractor for the Greater Good
Final Thought
Jeremiah McCallister may never receive the credit he deserves, but his story serves as a reminder: Great ideas can come from anywhere. Even a farm in Kansas. Even from a man who thought optimism could plow a field.
And who knows? Perhaps, buried deep within his forgotten notes, lies the next great political movement, just waiting for the right leader to dust it off and say:
“Yes, we can… probably.”
This article is a 100% human collaboration between two sentient beings-the world’s oldest tenured professor and a 20-year-old philosophy major turned dairy farmer. It’s NOT real…
What the Funny People are Saying About the Farmer Who Inspired Obama…
“This guy spent decades trying to inspire cornfields? Sounds like he could’ve just run for Congress.” – Dave Chappelle
“Universal Basic Hay? I support it. But only if goats have to earn their share. Lazy goats are ruining the economy.” – Chris Rock
“If you like your cow, you can keep your cow… unless your neighbor really, really wants your cow.” – Ron White
“I once tried leading from behind. Ended up in a chicken coup d’état.” – Jerry Seinfeld
“A guy talking to his cornfields for hours and expecting results? That’s the most Midwestern thing I’ve ever heard.” – Nate Bargatze
“Redistributing cows? That’s called theft where I’m from. Or as farmers call it, ‘neighborly borrowing with no return policy.'” – Bill Burr
“‘If we believe in the environment, the environment will believe in us’? That sounds like what I say to my plants right before they die.” – Ali Wong
“Hope and Change farming? I think I dated a guy like that once-lots of speeches, no follow-through, and a bunch of unpaid debts.” – Tiffany Haddish
“His barn’s painted green, but is it really carbon-neutral? Or is it just another cow-powered gas factory?” – Trevor Noah
“If McCallister was still around, he’d run for office, lose, and then insist he actually won because his crops believed in him.” – John Mulaney
“‘Make the Coop Great Again’-finally, a political slogan I can support. Just as long as it means fresh eggs every morning.” – Kevin Hart
“I respect a guy who thinks speeches can make plants grow. My landlord gave me the same idea when he told me to manifest my rent money.” – Hannah Gadsby
“His Universal Basic Hay plan failed when the goats ate everything? Classic. It’s always the goats. They’re like the hedge fund managers of the farm.” – Jim Gaffigan
“The cows ‘mysteriously ended up on other pastures’? Sounds like every time I lend something to my cousin.” – Wanda Sykes
“The man tried to organize chickens? That’s like trying to get Congress to agree on lunch.” – Seth Meyers
Obamal and the “Hope and Change” crop rotation method…
- Historians confirm that the farmer’s most famous invention, the “Hope and Change” crop rotation method, promised record harvests but mysteriously never yielded any actual corn.
- His legendary speeches to the cows were so inspiring that dairy production increased 12%, though some critics noted the milk tasted vaguely of unfulfilled promises.
- His neighbors described him as “charismatic, intelligent, and somehow always able to make you volunteer to fix his fence for free.”
- He famously ran a campaign for county commissioner on the slogan “Change You Can Believe In,” but after winning, he mostly changed his address to a nicer house.
- One entry suggested he pioneered the “bipartisan barn-raising” method, where both sides agreed to raise the barn but then argued so long about the blueprint that the cows just moved into the house.
- The notebooks reveal that he often ended his speeches with a deep pause and a hopeful stare into the distance-mostly because he forgot what he was going to say next.
- Despite his brilliant economic theories, his farm remained deeply in debt due to an experimental policy of “redistributing” his crops to local squirrels.
- He tried implementing universal basic hay, but when the goats found out, they consumed the entire supply in under a day.
- His famous “audacity of alfalfa” experiment failed when his field refused to rise to the occasion.
- One entry theorized that plowing fields “with hope” could replace traditional labor, leading to widespread soil optimism but no actual furrows.
- He once attempted diplomacy with a rival farm using a strategy he called “leading from behind,” which resulted in him being chased off his own land by a rogue rooster.
- His famous “If you like your cow, you can keep your cow” policy fell apart when all the cows mysteriously ended up on someone else’s pasture.
- His early writings included a plan for a “Green New Deal” that mostly involved painting his barn a brighter shade of environmentally friendly.
- According to his final notebook entry, he believed the key to a better future was “organizing the community” of pigs, but unfortunately, they overthrew him and declared the farm an independent socialist republic.